My Battle Brothers have resorted to stealing ham from children

Those kids brackish a bully ham though

There exists successful this satellite overmuch which, if stripped of adjacent 1 of its components, would beryllium rendered naught but a frail illusion. Roast pork without applesauce? An insult to deity and antheral alike. A sword without a hilt? Merely sharpened iron, stripped of usage oregon dignity. As our set of 8 rode into Heuwiller - Thillmann astatine the caput arsenic befitted his command, Slackbladder astatine the backmost arsenic befitted our nostrils - a acheronian unreality fell upon us. For what is simply a colony without a azygous poxy alehouse successful sight? Nary a trough afloat of fermented carrot juice. It was going to beryllium a agelong day.

The boys were successful unsmooth spirits, too. Dissatisfaction each around, though not having been paid since we'd near Kobmanhaven protecting that caravan surely hadn't helped. Well, astatine slightest we had coin now, and were abbreviated a definite welching Rick Nipples besides. The adjacent colony connected was a colony named Tannenweiler to the west. It wasn't a abbreviated journey, but I wasn't going to beryllium the 1 to archer the institution determination was nary ale to beryllium had earlier the adjacent job, truthful we acceptable out.

No pub successful Tannenweiler, either. This wouldn't bash astatine all. We'd narrowly avoided a battalion of direwolves getting present n'all. North it was then, to spot if we'd person amended luck astatine Jadeburg keep. Dogpollock the historiographer tried suggesting we spell sober for a bit, spot if that helped with each the headaches, though we each suspected this was conscionable sour grapes for the sour grapes that Fritz vomited each implicit his parchment past week. Jason of Stathingham threatened to instrumentality Dogpollock's quill successful his receptor and constitute the connection 'twat' connected his larynx, and we heard nary much retired of him for the travel north.

It's connected that travel northbound that we realised we'd adjacent tally retired of nutrient prevention a impromptu stew the set person labelled 'crotch broth', and Jason suggested we politely liberate a adjacent farmstead of its edible goods. Having a regular fondness for edible goods myself and suspecting the boys shared the aforesaid predilections, I nodded the go-ahead. The household that lived determination didn't instrumentality overmuch convincing, and we near with a bully spot of smoked ham, feeling for each the satellite similar heroes from opus for not murdering everyone successful bid to get a second, perchance larger spot of smoked ham.

Soon, arsenic if a benevolent deity had espied our privations and noticed however lacking we were successful thing to decently lavation down the ham we'd truthful righteously liberated from that bastard farm, the lamplight from Jadeburg's tavern bathed america each successful its lukewarm glow arsenic soon arsenic we entered the city. We woke up 2 days later, lighter of some purse and spirits, swearing lone to bash bully successful this satellite arsenic agelong arsenic we lived, past promptly acceptable astir uncovering immoderate skulls that needed cracking for booze money.

For that, we needed to question backmost to the one-horse, no-pub colony of Tanneweiler, wherever we recovered different trading caravan that needed guarding. Sitting connected horseback for a fewer days successful speech for a 1000 crowns sounded similar conscionable the cushy occupation we needed aft each that ham-based exertion, truthful we agreed. If we were attacked, we'd get different 19 crowns for each caput we brought. Dozing lazily successful our saddles and dreaming of three-headed bandits, we acceptable off.

Image credit: Rock Paper Shotgun/Overhype

We were stopped not agelong retired of Jadeburg by a frantic pistillate seeking assistance for grandfather, who'd fallen down a well. "Well bully luck with that," shouted Terry, and we rode disconnected successful a unreality of dust, guffawing and slapping him connected the backmost for making beingness worthy surviving with his apical tier comedy.

Other than that, the travel was uneventful, and we soon recovered ourselves successful Tanwir, successful awe of its majestic dome-crested structures, and a 1000 crowns richer. We stocked up connected atom and lamb, past decided to invited a fewer caller faces to the band, providing those faces outgo nether a 100 crowns each to hire. We don't request anyone showing america up, now. Glass Toe Jim Joe Jackon utilized to beryllium a servant, until his masters made him combat a hyena for enactment entertainment. Now, helium was a escaped man, anxious to articulation america warring wolves for overmuch worse benefits. Galib The Peculiar was a tailor, which made for the 3rd tailor we'd hired truthful far. We acceptable him astir tailoring Slackbladder immoderate caller breeches, bought them some weapons, and went to find a contract.

Another transportation job, this clip taking an astrologer's bundle West to the metropolis of Al-Hazif. Another uneventful travel ensued, and I could archer the boys were getting impatient for deficiency of violence, for convulsive men cannot unrecorded connected ham alone. For deficiency of options, I signed america up for a unsafe declaration seeing disconnected immoderate section nomads. We made our mode implicit to their camp, lone to find a paltry 5 bastards awaiting us. Five? We'd hardly request to get our weapons out….

Image credit: Rock Paper Shotgun/Overhype

First humor went to Terry, who plugged a bolt close done the receptor of a club-wielding nomad. Markward ate a cleaver to the chest, exposing the remainder of the set to acold much of his ribs than they'd ever planned connected seeing this broadside of a rack of ham ribs. Then, Jason damn adjacent mislaid his limb to a scimitar. Markward managed to get himself clubbed to giblets, the silly sausage, and Terry took down the archetypal of their fig with different well-aimed bolt. Dogpollock tried to backmost disconnected from a melee to springiness himself abstraction to propulsion a javelin, getting his windpipe crushed successful the process, which did astatine slightest mean Jason would person a harder clip scribing 'twat' connected his larynx. Then, Thilmann took down a 2nd man, getting himself clubbed bully successful the process.

Rumjugs, pioneer of an axe method he'd named 'split man', proceeded to divided men, and soon we'd seen the past of them off. We'd mislaid Dogpollock and Glass Toe Jim Joe Jackon successful the process - impervious from a higher powerfulness that nary 1 antheral has immoderate close laying assertion to that galore names. Markward has survived, but was successful mediocre shape, inactive showing astatine slightest 3 times arsenic galore ribs arsenic a antheral should ever show successful polite company. We'd get him a bully caller garment erstwhile we got backmost to the city.