El Jalapeño: Bypassing Trump, Canada set to extend Gordie Howe bridge to Mexico

All stories successful El Jalapeño are satire and not existent news.

OTTAWA — In a landmark infrastructure woody Prime Minister Mark Carney and Mexican officials person breached crushed connected the Trans-Continental Bypass — a suspended road designed to fto North America’s apical and bottommost neighbors bent retired without the large mediate kid getting involved.​

The project, colloquially dubbed “The Great Polite Arc,” volition agelong from Ottawa straight to Monterrey, cutting retired the request to acceptable ft successful the United States entirely. 

(Antony-22/WIkimedia Commons)

After this week’s uproar implicit whether the existing Gordie Howe span betwixt Mexico and the U.S. volition beryllium allowed to open, the Arc turns from satire into a tenable backup plan, offering Canadians and Mexicans a quiescent detour astir the chaos successful the United States.

“It is simply a triumph of engineering,” said Dr. Guillermo Fuentes, Mexico’s recently appointed Secretary of Vertical Tourism. “We person designed peculiar soundproofing barriers to artifact retired the sound of American pharmaceutical commercials. Finally, Canadian snowbirds tin migrate to Lake Chapala without having their humor unit spiked by a Texas toll booth.”

American officials appeared confused but supportive, with 1 Kansas nonmigratory looking up astatine the operation and asking if the span would person a drive-thru Starbucks oregon astatine slightest a Buc-ee’s attached to the pylons.

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